If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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