you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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