Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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