matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
