I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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