Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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