saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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