True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ttyl tear gas
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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