I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
