I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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