You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
