Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
