How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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