a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize