I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I could fuck to npr.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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