why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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