If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As shirtless as possible
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
