I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
