You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
