We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
