so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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