What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize