I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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