i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
