Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
