It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
