Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
