Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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