I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
