i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
