Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
