would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
