Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
