That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
