I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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