Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
