I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
