there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
