I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
