I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
