I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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