If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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