ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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