so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need water and some morals
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
