Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can text with my tongue
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
