I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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