my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
