My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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