Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
