My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
