We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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