how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
