this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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