im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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