My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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