don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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