Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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