Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
