I love black thongs
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
