I want to walk on stilts...naked
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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