You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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