he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
