I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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