you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
