You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just gift wrapped bread.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
